I ran into a friend of mine and her co-worker today. Her co-worker seemed sad and withdrawn and after some discussion, I found out that her dog had passed away just the day before. I had never met this woman, but I instantly felt a connection. It is that unexplainable "pet connection". That connection that all true animal lovers feel when you meet another like yourself. I listened to her while she told me her story with sadness in her eyes, and although I had never met her before, I hugged her. I hugged her like an old friend.
I felt her pain. I feel her pain.
As I sit here now, I am faced with the knowledge that so many of you, like me and my new friend, have gone through this loss or will be going through this loss at some point in our lives. If you follow my blog, you will have seen the poem from Irving Townsend - The Once Again Prince. I urge you to take a moment to reread it. I'll attach it again at the end of this post.
Many people just don't understand how we can grieve so heavily over the loss of our pets. Our society isn't
positioned well to deal with death, and grief, especially in the case of animals. People just don't understand and the usual comments fly...."Well, it's just a dog!"
Well, not so I say, not so at all!
I'm thinking that a lot of you have heard the information over and over again about the grieving process. The 5 steps, the 7 steps, the 10 steps. After all that information and after all that reading, the results are the same, grief is grief. We all cope with grief differently and there is no SET WAY to grieve. It is a process, no matter how many steps we break it into, that we must go through. The key, however, is not getting stuck in one stage for too long. It is breaking through that barrier of sadness to come out again knowing that you still have enough love left in you to love again.
As dog lovers, as animal lovers even, we have a compassionate streak like no other. We have given our love freely to an animal that we knew at the beginning of the journey would not outlive us. We gave our love to that animal knowing that this would inevitably happen, yet we still gave. We owe it to our pets to continue loving as strong as before. We owe it to them to spread that love to other, less fortunate animals.
It's okay to cry and to mourn, but remember that you must move past it at your own pace.
Remember that you have so much love to give and remember the fond memories you had with your dog. Remember the good times and make them happy memories.
In the summer of 1977, when I was a 12, my older brother was killed. Soon after, my German Shepherd named Gypsy also passed away. As you could image, the loss I felt was overwhelming. I felt alone, lost, scared and most of all confused. I remember being so afraid that I would forget them and forget what they looked like. After continued encouragement and with the help of my mother, I created a collage of my favorite pictures. Pictures of my brother, my dog, myself and even one with all three of us together. I got some Elmer's glue and glued them to a piece of construction paper. I taped it to the wall closest to my bed so I could look at them before I went to sleep and every day when I woke up. At first I would cry. Cry myself to sleep almost every night. After a few weeks, when I lay down to sleep, I would think of something great that either my brother and I had done or something I had done with Gypsy that made me smile. After a few months my grief shifted to fond memories. I won't say that every night and every morning were happy thoughts, but it was better.
I guess time does heal. Time does help. You don't forget, you just remember the better days.
After all is said and done, grieving is a natural part of life. How we cope is the key to our happiness, survival and strength of
character. Since that time in my life, I have experienced more loss, but I continue to do collages. That was my coping mechanism.
I hope that my story helps at least one person. That it touches you in some way or gives you some direction.
SEPARATE LIFETIMES
We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle; easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we would still live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan.... --- Irving Townsend ---"The Once Again Prince"
Below are some links I've found to help you through the grieving process.
Pet Loss – Help in Healing the Hurt – Article about dealing with the sadness and grief from the death of a beloved pet. (Kathie
Maffitt)
Why Does Pet Loss Hurt So Much? – Article about the unique nature of grief for a pet. (Martha M.
Tousley)
Loving Animals and Losing Them – Describes the natural feelings of grief following the loss of a pet, and gives a
hotline number for people who need to talk about their loss. (University of California Davis)
Explaining Pet Loss to Children – Ideas for talking with children about the loss of a pet. Includes several book recommendations. (Martha M.
Tousley)
Support groups and
hotlinesPet Loss Hotlines – List of
hotlines for pet grief counseling. (Chance’s Spot)
Pet Loss Support Hotline – Information about a
hotline staffed by veterinary students, as well as links to other
hotlines. Also describes the stages of grieving the loss of a pet and information on euthanasia. (Cornell University Veterinary School)
Pet euthanasia
Making the Decision – Provides information and considerations about the decision to
euthanise your pet. Also gives referrals for grief counseling. (American Veterinary Medical Association)
Facing Pet Euthanasia – Discusses how to deal with a terminally ill pet. (University of Illinois College of Veterinary Medicine)
Euthansia: What to Expect (commercial site) – Provides information about the euthanasia process and what to expect. (Pet Center)
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